ps: if you prefer, you can listen to this episode on today's podcast here
𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐒𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐑: 𝗪𝐡𝐲 𝗪𝐞 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐭 & 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐨 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩! Have you ever been sooo close to finally getting that thing you've been wanting?
Self-sabotage is all too common for female entrepreneurs growing their own businesses.
An example of how this shows up is running and hiding (playing small) when you are in the most critical phase of your promotion or launch.
You've done so much hard work to get you where you are. Maybe you already built your entire online course, finished your website, made a FB group, started posting regularly on IG, yet here you are, almost at the finish line, and contracting💢your light, voice & magic more than ever before.
Why would women entrepreneurs do allll that work just to jump ship🚢 when they're almost at the finish line?
𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝟑 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬.
𝟏) 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 & 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. If she doesn't fully follow through and try to completion, she may trick herself to think her endeavour didn't work because she decided to not fully put in 100%. This will appear to protect her from the pain of trying fully and then getting crickets or zero interest.
A new entrepreneur's greatest fear is usually "what if I build and create it and then no one buys"?
See how it can seem easier to shrink away from self-promotion and marketing of your offer if that could leave you with a greater sense of disappointment or failure?
𝟐) 𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭. You may think you want to be a full-time entrepreneur or online coach, but deep down or unconsciously you may be terrified of actually leaving your stable job working for someone else.
Sure, you want the freedom of being your own boss, but secretly it may be intimidating to truly be financially responsible for yourself. You may not even realize you are subconsciously blocking financial success in your service or product launch due to this hidden incentive of staying put as an employee.
𝟑) 𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 & 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬. Think about it, if you were to have a all the success, impact, influence and income you desire in your business, how would your life change?
Would there be jealousy from people in your circle? Would there be tension at home with your partner? How would your parents feel if you were to become the top earner in the family tree?
Often, deep down inside, we are afraid of being less liked, loved and accepted by other people and one way to stay accepted is to stay similar and relatable.
If you were to become, let's say, a location independent online coach, who earns $150k a year, with immense freedom & flexibility in your life, would you be at risk of losing people?
So as you can see, these 3 things (fear of how life/relationships could change, hidden incentives of staying the same and self-preservation & protection) can most definitely contribute to self-sabotaging behaviours to success.
𝐒𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦?
𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭, 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. Awareness of this behaviour pattern is key.
𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝, 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬 that will eventually infiltrate the subconscious mind running the show.
1) You can remind yourself by journaling down the truth about self-preservation & protection. The truth is that when you don't fully execute or try, you don't save yourself from any disappointment. That is a lie the ego hypnotizes you with. The truth is you will feel the sting the same way if you try and it doesn't work... but the thing is, when you try fully, the odds of it working multiply at least 10 times. And you've heard this before but there really is no such thing as failure - you just get to gain new information, learn and grow.
2) You can also choose to shed light more on the incentives of actually getting what you want. You can reframe the hidden incentives of staying in the same place to really deepen your belief in how life will improve with your entrepreneurial success.
3) As for fear of having life & relationships change, you can remind yourself (write down) all the ways your success will enhance current relationships (being able to surprise parents or spouse with paid trip). You can also choose to get excited about the new relationships you will attract to your life when you feel free to be as abundant, joyful & fulfilled as your Soul desires. There are plenty of women and men who live life in that frequency and you will become a magnet for those people when you are feeling the same way!
Hope this helps and gives you a little kick of inspiration next time self-sabotaging behaviour bubbles up:) Xo