Healing the Father Wound & Childhood / Family Scapegoat Abuse: My Story Growing Up with a Narcissistic & Psychopathic Father

Scroll down for 11 helpful resources if parts of my story resonate with you.

It's funny how life can change so much, even from just one month to the next. If you had asked me at the beginning of June, if I was ever going to publicly share my childhood and adolescent story of growing up with my mentally sick father, who had all personality disorders of the dark triad (narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellianism), I would have said no way! That was one chapter of life that I never wanted to revisit and certainly not publicly.

 

However, the extraordinary levels of deep healing and new found awarenesses I have been experiencing, particularly since going on a journey to Costa Rica for plant medicine (4 nights with ayahuasca back in March), have made me realize... the only way out is through. Things that could be stuffed down, repressed and disassociated (for the last 24 years) were beckoning to be heard. 

 

This time, my inner adolescent and teenager wanted to be heard and she said to me, if you won't validate me, who will? 

 

The thing is, I have always believed her, but I never thought I was "allowed" to speak up about events. I felt I had to carry the family secret like it was my burden alone.

Pictured is me at 6 years old on the left, and 16 years old in the middle (right at the time I was removed by police) and 17 years old on the right (now living with my foster family)

Family scapegoat abuse and narcissistic family systems



In part 1, I share my personal experience growing up between the ages of 4-11, inside a dysfunctional + narcissistic family system, where I took on the assigned role of family scapegoat & invisible child. I take the listeners on a detailed journey of the actual formative experiences that shaped my model of the world and implanted unconscious belief systems and core wounds of "not being enough" leading to childhood anorexia and many broken bones, and "being worthless/needs don't matter" leading to self-abandonment behaviours (in a bid to get love) perpetuating into adult life. This showed up as being the caretaker in codependent relationships.

 

Listen to part 1 here

In part 2/2, I share the shocking, formative events that took place from ages 12-16, while living with my father, that ultimately led to a core wound of 'betrayal and abandonment" imprinting the father wound and how things escalated to the point of police removing me from my childhood home and placing me with a foster family until I got my first apartment at just 17 years old. 

 

I share details of the physical, psychological and emotional abuse, extreme medical neglect as well as the sexual shaming and humiliation tactics.

You'll learn how childhood/adolescent trauma, that was too big for me to process, was dealt with through my vice of alcohol addiction, that grew as I became older, until I found the courage to get sober and face what had been stuffed away long, long ago.

 

By the end of the 2 part series, you will understand what family scapegoat abuse is (FSA), how it binds the dysfunctional family system through shame and unprocessed generational trauma, how we can overcome it and end the cycles of abuse from being passed down to our own children.

 

Listen to part 2 here

 

You will also hear how, through the past 11 years of self development, educating myself, seeking help from professionals and healers (and certainly help from my 4 ayahuasca ceremonies, followed by a 3 month integration program), I found forgiveness to my father and empowerment to live life free of the assigned role I didn't ask for.

 

Part of my ability to come full circle with events is understanding how and why they took place, seeing things from higher spiritual perspective and then finding the courage to give voice to my inner child and teenager's experience, knowing I no longer have to carry the family burden (shame) by keeping it a secret.

 

My intention is you find solace in this episode and that through hearing my story, you better understand and can heal parts of your childhood or formative experiences growing up. My hope is you find the courage to transcend patterns and gift yourself a new life full of love, peace, joy and happiness, knowing you deserve it and always have.

Pictured above is Nevvy and I at our recent lake adventure and mini mommy-daughter holiday. We made smore's, played at the beach until evening, slept in a log cabin without running water or wifi (glamping style)! and even brought Suggy our dog ... we made memories that will last a lifetime, we made memories that matter.

 

Biggest hugs and blessings to you,

XO Christine



Resources to learn more about Family Scapegoat Abuse (FSA)

Being the scapegoat: How 2 children from the same parents can have drastically different realities - video

The ongoing injustice: the scapegoat's reality is denied, followed with smear campaigns - video

Mental health professional playlist on Family Scapegoat Abuse inside a narcissistic family - playlist

When the scapegoat breaks free from the abusive family - video

Beliefs held by scapegoats - playlist

Being the scapegoat: How 2 children from the same parents can have drastically different realities - video

Leading expert in Family Scapegoat Abuse - Youtube channel

Excellent book: Rejected, Shamed and Blamed

Expert in Dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems - Youtube channel

Why siblings enmesh with toxic parent, lash out or attack the scapegoat- video

Why no one believes the scapegoat - video

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