I am 2000 days alcohol free today.
What does this mean to me?
While I was using alcohol, I was held captive & blocked from my higher potential in life.
More than anything, it was how it left me feeling 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠. Always the same feelings of guilt, shame, lethargy, and complete absence of inspiration, motivation and passion.
Sure, I was knees deep into doing all of my holistic health & lifestyle practices (working out, yoga, juicing veggies, meditating, etc.) but those things didn’t prevent my vibrational & emotional state plummeting on the weekends.
I was in deep conflict with myself.
The mental prison of craving alcohol was the worst. Making rules in my head that said "I’m allowed to drink as long as it’s a social setting" led to go to social events just to use alcohol and avoid the guilt and shame of using it solo.
I actually “managed” that rule for a while until the craving surpassed my white knuckle will power and I started using it solo again. We all have a vice and alcohol sure was mine.
Sometimes I thought I had a handle on it and could stop after one glass or 1 bottle of beer.
Other times, I woke up completely disorientated to what on earth transpired that I somehow got so drunk and blacked out alone in my condo.
Waking up and realizing this was a state of hell.
For me, the 1 glass ALWAYS triggered wanting more and often to the state of oblivion.
Sometimes I only drank once a month but when I did, I could not hold back the desire for MORE.
For those who don’t know, on my 29th bday (9 years ago) I got so drunk that I fell down my staircase, lost consciousness, fractured the left side of my skull and got anosmia (lost the ability to smell due to damaged brain tissue).
Yup, so when I say oblivion I mean it.
Although that event served as a MAJOR wake up call and the start of my spiritual awakening, I didn’t actually get and stay sober until I was 32 (5.5 years ago). I tried a failed twice before.
I needed those failed attempts to actually grasp and admit I was addicted.
Most people addicted to alcohol use are in deep denial their entire life.
I am sharing incase someone needs a hit of inspiration.
There can be really f8cking hard chapters of life AND they can also be what ENSURES a dramatic, cataclysmic up level as a result.
Everything amazing & fulfilling in my life now is here BECAUSE of the woman I grew into on the journey of recovering and gaining my freedom. I discovered my courage, my passions, my purpose, my creativity, my vitality, my abundance & my joy.
I started seeing myself in my new identity, one where I could be, do and have whatever my desires revealed to me.
I don’t regret for a minute having this past addiction for I see so clearly how it ultimately lead to my own liberation in so many aspects of my life.
In other words, for me, not to me and boy am I wiser on this other side of life.
Down the road I might make a program called Get Sober, Live Epically. We'll see what 2023 brings!
pps. this recent eclipse portal brought A LOT of changes and one of them included the impulse to chop off all my hair last Friday in my bathroom! It was time my outer appearance better reflected the inner transformations that have been taking place this past summer.
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